Cheating Men Love Their Girlfriends More…

Anderson, E. (2010). ‘At Least With Cheating There is an Attempt at Monogamy’: Cheating and Monogamism Among Undergraduate Heterosexual Men. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships.

Click here for abstract…

The human kind supposedly operates on the basis (love that cliché!) that serial, if not lifelong monogamy is the way in which we should organise our sexual relationships (2010, n.pag.), or should we? Here, Anderson (2010) interviewed 40 horny young straight white male undergraduates to discover that mostly, they wanted their cake and to eat the cheese platter too. That is, to love one woman truly, madly and deeply but also, to fuck like veritable rabbits on the side. The puzzle posed by the author (2010) is whether lifelong monogamy is too much of a burden and further, if in fact, an each way bet in a two horse race does not more appropriately represent the natural sexual order?

Well, it certainly is more convenient…

Yes, it is true, in recent decades the floodgates have opened, civilisation has crumbled, and sexual mores have gone to pot, as men and women couple up with spontaneity and almost gay abandon (2010). Double standards abound as we struggle with what we know to be right and what we know to be fun. It would seem that the 40 aforementioned undergraduates were no less caught up in such artful ‘cognitive dissonance’ (2010), pledging their solemn allegiance to Ron Howard while buffing up for a Rainer Werner Fassbinder cameo. Like solving global warming, monogamy is something we can believe in passionately from behind the wheel of our petrol-guzzling tanks.

To learn here that 70 per cent of straight white male undergraduates have cheated on their girlfriends, does seem to at least hold partially true Anderson’s assertion (2010) that these virile young men desire both an emotional compact with one woman and a fleeting sexual rush with several others. For most, that zing they got when they first met and fucked their girlfriends had faded to the point that they needed to get that zing somewhere else (2010). It was not as if they had stopped loving their girlfriends, egad, many claimed ‘that they love[d] their partners even more after cheating’ (2010). They were just sexed-up and typicially totally pissed young men (2010).

The problem, according to Anderson (2010), is not that these young men cheated but that social forces frustrated their relationship choices. Either they confined themselves to perpetual monogamy and the inevitable boredom that it spawns, or they broke free from the ho-hum to taste the bountiful sexual pleasures of cheating. Despite the many potentially negative consequences associated with ‘hooking up’ (2010) and skanking it, ranging from feeling guilty to being found out to catching an STI, those consequences had next to null deterrent value upon these young men. They wanted easy, add-on sex and on campus, opportunity was omnipresent (2010)…

‘…when I [Anderson] ask Jon if he thought it was harder to remain monogamous at the university compared to when he’s at home he says, ‘Yeah, it’s amazing (at the university). Its like being a kid in a candy store, There are hot girls everywhere. It would be easier to resist cheating if I were at an all-boys’ school or something’

Which leads me to wonder: where is the moral fable in all of this?

Well, Anderson (2010), for what it is worth, does not offer one. In his mind, cheating provides each of these young men with the perfect symbiosis of ‘emotional monogamy’ with the one woman they love (or might in the future love) and their physical desires fulfilled with every other woman they fuck. Contrary to the bible-bashing pap about lifelong monogamy that many of us had drummed into our evolving brains, Anderson (2010) argues that one man does not necessarily have to take one woman to love and to hold and to cherish into eternity together. On the contrary, he suggests that cheating and even better, open relationships, make for far preferable, more realistic relationship choices (2010)…

And a whole lot less jealousy and stress (2010)…

  1. Soph Dawg
    October 18, 2010 at 2:20 am | #1

    But what about us poor girls! Hurts like fuck to get cheated on! Oh but that’s ok guys NEED to coz their gugs, fuck off, that’s so unfair for girls! Are we just meant to somehow be ok with that? It’s not as if we don’t get urges too. So fuck it, I’ll go off and cheat on my boyfriend then shall I? Coz it’s obv the best thing to do, and it’s highly likely he’s cheated, or is going to, cheat on me!!!!!!! What’s the point in being in a fucking relationship,if all people want is to fuck everybody else and it hurts too much to know that when your in a relationship so, fuck it.

    • October 18, 2010 at 11:09 am | #2

      Unless some sort of open relationship is worked out in advance (and even then, that can be problematic), there is no genuine reason why any guy cannot commit to a relationship. I hear it so often that men (straight or gay) just have to roam, that we were born that way, to which I say, total rubbish! That said, when any man struggles with intimacy, love, commitment, that immediately flags the question for me: is there an attachment issue here?

    • Jarred Jones
      October 24, 2013 at 6:51 pm | #3

      Im in a long distance relation sship at college and sometimes id rather jump into a lake than try and be faithful, u literally have to make yourself numb and not look at women. I dont care what any woman says, biology makes it exponentially harder for men to stay faithful, were not just trying to be dicks, its just so hard to do. I love my girlfriend and havent tired of sex with her in 2 years but once every 3 weeks is not enough for a healthy athletic young guy like myself. Its literally depressing, I goo stretches of not showering or bathing havent cut my hair in a while. All because I see no point in doing it. I dont wanna give myself the confidence and I dont want to attract women. But not even that works! I think iI need to transfer, Im dying.

  2. Gabi Mc
    December 29, 2011 at 5:34 pm | #4

    Technically by that logic women were meant to roam as well. Think of the evolutionary benefits of women roaming? 1) It increases the chances that their offspring will survive and lead a healthy life (if one man has genetic defects and those children die or suffer, the children brought into this world with another defect free male will survive) 2) Having multiple men providing for the woman and or children would increase the flow of resources provided for the children and mother 3) It would solve the problem many have of having to choose between enjoying the personality of one man and the physical features of another.

    • December 29, 2011 at 5:42 pm | #5

      While there is that stereotype if not also that practice that men must roam, I would hope that women should not feel constrained to be unwillingly stuck with dud x, y or z…

  3. March 14, 2014 at 1:28 am | #6

    Does this mean you should run out and date the first guy who asks you
    out. It’s also incredibly important that you don’t stop
    living your life at this point. By doing so, you could end up saving yourself a great deal
    of heartache if, for some reason, the relationship does not fare well again.

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