Depressed, Anxious, Bashed Men…

Shorey, R., Sherman, A., Kivisto, A., Elkins, S., Rhatigan, D., & Moore, T. (2010). Gender Differences in Depression and Anxiety Among Victims of Intimate Partner Violence: The Moderating Effect of Shame Proneness Journal of Interpersonal Violence DOI: 10.1177/0886260510372949

Men are ripe for shame. Most of us grow up being told, if not also bashed into accepting that there are certain things that men must never do, or be. In short, anything that is like a woman or a fag, any behaviour, attitude or emotion that catches us out for failing to live up to masculine ideals (2010, n.pag.). One of the greatest affronts to male ascendancy and something, therefore, which can never be countenanced, is that a woman might abuse a man (2010). I am sure that it happens but in most instances that abuse would be psychological in nature, a fact lost on the authors (2010) here who claim that ‘similar rates of victimization [are] reported for both men and women’.

So what do such men do? To whom do they talk? Where do they seek help? What sort of responses do they get? None of those important questions gets any airplay here…

Instead, Shorey et al. (2010) give a reasonable account of the primary theoretical tool used in their research, that is, ‘shame proneness’:

‘…shame proneness (italics in original) refers to an affective predisposition to scrutinize and criticize your entire, global self (Tangney, 1996). Shame is a feeling that one is bad, and it fosters feelings of worthlessness, disgrace, and humiliation as well as a desire to disappear and hide from others (Tangney & Dearing, 2002). Because shame focuses on one’s global self-concept, relative to guilt, it is considered to be a more stable and pathological emotion as it can foster a sense of hopeless self-blame due to the belief that there is little that can be done to change one’s internal self (Tangney & Dearing, 2002)’.

The authors (2010) state that amongst the 967 university (or ‘college’) students who participated in their study, men who had been subjected to psychological or physical intimate partner violence (IPV) reported higher prevalence rates of anxious and depressive symptoms than women who had been similiarly abused. It would seem that 1) men abused by their female partners have an elevated predisposition to anxiety and depression and 2) their mental unwellness is compounded by the extent to which they have been affected by shame proneness (2010). This rightfully sounds like an excellent entrée to an inspiring discussion about ‘why and how?’ men might be so affected but alas, fizzles out with the authors (2010) dedicating but a few brief lines to the possible part played by male gender role norms’:

‘…with a reduced sense of masculinity and greater shame proneness, it is possible that men may experience greater anxiety because they may feel that they are not living up to the social norms for masculinity’.

Indeed, a question that I would ask is not so much about the anxiety felt by some men because they had not lived up to masculine ideals but rather, the overarching problem of how such intrinsically harmful ideals attained and maintain their dominance. Further, when discussing the therapeutic implications of their findings, the authors (2010) touch on the crucial importance of identifying clients, men and women who have been abused by their partners, and who might be more likely to suffer with shame proneness. I would see this as a core skill of any good therapist. The less commonly discussed therapeutic imperative is the actual behaviours and attitudes of therapists themselves to any male client who sits in their office and declares that their female partner has called them ‘a fucking deadshit,’ or words to that effect…